Is it possible to move past infidelity

Of course, it's important to keep in mind that around percent of relationships can be restored after an affair, provided the cheating partner is willing to cooperate.

That won't be the case in every situation. Fortunately, surviving infidelity is completely possible for couples , but only if they're willing to put in the work. This means openly communicating, reconnecting on an emotional and physical level, and being truthful along the way. If one or both parties doesn't have the shared desire to fix the relationship, it's a big indicator that the relationship cannot be salvaged. Learning how to move on after an affair isn't easy, but with a little TLC, your relationship can survive.

Here's how to turn your relationship around, rebuild trust, and get things back on track with your partner. No matter what happened in your marriage, gratitude will set the groundwork for positive transformation.

If you feel consumed by betrayal and despair, take a moment to focus on appreciation. Think about everything you appreciate about your mate. After a few minutes of refocusing in this way, notice what changes inside you.

When you are hurt, you may tend to blame, run, fight, judge or explain. If the betrayed spouse can stop and fully feel the heartache tenderly, they will be surprised at what is possible.

But when you face your feelings head-on, does infidelity pain ever go away? Again, you'd be surprised. When you step fully into the sensation in your heart, beyond thought and explanation, the feeling begins to shift and the pain will eventually fade. Note: If you are suffering from a mental illness or severe emotional disturbance, use this practice only with the facilitation of a licensed therapist.

Infidelity is almost never about sex. Rather, it is about intimacy and unmet needs. To begin the process of getting over infidelity, you must learn how to become more emotionally intimate. This emotional intimacy comes from spending time together, communicating and sharing your lives together.

In other words, you must take a risk and be vulnerable. Give your partner a chance to draw close to you. Couples that spend time together and have shared interests recover from infidelity much more quickly and effectively. Discover or rediscover things that you can do together that you both enjoy. Keep in mind that not all hobbies or activities are expensive; there are plenty of things you can do together that do not cost money.

Each member being willing to be completely immersed in the aspect of healing that is found in resolution is quite essential. This might involve identifying and understanding why they want to stay in the relationship, what they want out of the process of resolution, and what that needs to look like, feel like, and sound like to experience forward movement.

It behooves couples to determine the root cause of infidelity. This can be done via couples counseling, couples workshops and seminars, or relationship retreats.

In identifying the reasons why infidelity occurred, making changes and establishing new norms may prove to be a solid path to resolution. Consciously decide to move on. Do not keep harping on the past or reminding one another of the role each played in the deterioration of the relationship. While it may prove to be challenging, forgiveness is a key component in resolving the infidelity and must be done if a healthy, well-balanced, and fully restored relationship is the goal.

The goal of this phase is resolution. When Usatynski notices a client showing signs of dysregulation e. What do you think is going on with him or her right now? The goal is interactive regulation — the couple learning the specific strategies that soothe, regulate and excite each other, Usatynski notes.

Alsaleem compares infidelity to a heart attack for the relationship. Alsaleem says several of his clients began therapy devastated by the trauma of infidelity, but by the end, they admitted they were almost glad it had happened because it ultimately led them to having the relationship they always wanted with their partner.

For some people, infidelity is the catalyst that ultimately allows them to get unstuck, he explains. When clients decide to repair their relationship, Meyer helps them develop a new, explicitly stated contract regarding the rules in their relationship moving forward. She asks them to write down their agreement about these new relationship rules including how quickly they would inform their partner that they experienced a compromising situation and what constitutes infidelity going forward and ways they could be vulnerable to future affairs.

So, this new agreement can take many forms depending on the relationship. For example, partners in a committed relationship may agree that being involved with another person sexually is OK as long as they discuss it first with their partner or keep everything in the open.

Of course, clients in infidelity counseling may also decide to end their relationship. Even so, by showing up to counseling, clients have taken the first step toward ensuring that infidelity does not define the rest of their lives, Alsaleem notes.

It actually has a silver lining. Contact her at hello lindseynphillips. Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association. Very well said. You saved my life. Thank you. Im currently at a place where i have to act as the psychiatrist.. O into realisation without being overly critical.

She refuses we try counseling. This article was really helpful and provided me with a clear blueprint which somehow i seemed to be working on without knowing. Hardest part is being ok with decisions they make and a lack of accountability.

Good luck. Well said so glad this blog is out there. In fact, it may not simply be repaired, but you may come out even stronger than before if you handle it the right way.

For Grant, an author and journalist living in Toronto, packing up and leaving wasn't immediately in the cards. Instead, she focused on her own healing with the help of a therapist , while her husband spent time in therapy separately. If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road. Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.

This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward. The answer largely depends on the motivating factors behind the affair.

Where was the breakdown? What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it? Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important. But if the person who cheated isn't willing to be upfront about why it happened — or starts pointing blame, repairing things might not be possible.

Grant's husband admitted he was a sex addict and sought out therapy on his own to work through it. He had done everything he could to support me as I healed.